The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy by Fiona Neill

"If Petra hadn't been staying, I would have resorted to one of those larynx-aching rants that purge me of my anger and make Sam refer to the NSPCC ads that tell you shouting is tantamount to child abuse. Whoever devised those should be sent to come and clean up the carnage.

Fred came over to nestle in my lap, hoping for clemency, and my eyes stung red with the effort of neutralising my anger. For Fred had done this before, less than two weeks ago. I imagined the blood vessels coursing into my head, struggling not to burst their banks like tiny river ways during a heavy rainstorm. All it would take is one tiny point of weakness, and my brain would flood like the Okavango delta in the rainy season, leaving my children motherless.

I shut my eyes and breathed in the smell of the soft skin of Fred's neck, the soft fleshy part underneath the long curls at the back of his head that I can't bear to cut because they represent the last vestiges of his babyhood. He giggled, because it tickled, but allowed me my moment of wistfulness. He smelt of a sweet blend of clean pyjamas, soap and the unsullied pureness of a recently washed toddler and I felt myself melt. Waves of nostalgia for the baby he will never be again swept over me, and for a moment I thought I might cry. Sometimes it is a question of getting through the days, but then from nowhere come those moments that you want to preserve forever."

This excerpt is from a book that I am currently reading. It is a wonderful tale of a stay at home mom with three children who struggles with keeping up with household duties, keeping the children organized all while competing with Yummy Mummy no. 1 and Alpha Mom for Sexy Domesticated Dad's attention. A character that any stay at home mom or working mom can relate to. The book is really hitting home for me right now. No, not the Sexy Domesticated Dad fantasy, I am currently living that fantasy, my husband is laid off! The Slummy Mummy concept. I am a slummy mommy.

I am not proud to be a slummy mummy. I long to be the mummy with energy to spare. To be able to keep up with household cleaning. To be able to navigate through the endless piles of laundry and sort, wash, dry AND put them away into their closet homes. I would like to look presentable when I answer the door! I want to be the mommy that is fit and strong and emotionally stable. Life has been this way for over two years now. Two children in under two years can really test who you are as a human being. I think that is why this book has really got me thinking. I bought it over a year ago in the airport before boarding a plane to Cuba. This was my reading for the week. I am just getting around to reading it now. Perhaps there is a reason for that. May be I will get something more out of reading it now than I would have a year ago.

The last couple of years have been life changing. That is to be understood and somewhere in all of this change, I lost who I am. The last eight months have been the most difficult for me. Since the birth of Evan, I have been living in the most sleep deprived state of being ever in my 34 years. Sleep deprivation that led to some post pardum depression which has led to some of my worst mommy moments ever. When patience runs thin it is only a matter of time before you crack! I have had, "larynx-aching rants" that purged me of my anger and have felt my eyes hot from tears that try and neutralize the anger. The blood has coursed through my veins to the point where I thought they might explode. I relate to this character all too well. I have questioned everything these last eight months. I knew it was going to be hard the first year of his life, but this was way more than I had ever imagined. So, how does a sleep deprived, emotionally drained slummy mummy move forward?

Start by living in the moment so you live without regret that you wished your child's first year away hoping things would get better faster. When I hold my children close and take deep breaths, smell their clean hair and touch their soft skin, it makes me want to freeze time. Those are the moments we need to remember. We need to be nostalgic because we can't freeze time. Amongst our chaos we can find reason and truth. You might need to sift through a pile of laundry or two. Perhaps wade through a sea of toys strewn about the floor, but take the time to look because when you find it you can create yourself again. You won't be the person you were before you had children. Having children of our own changes us. That responsibility weighs heavily on our shoulders, but we can reach our full potential as wives, mothers and women. We just need to open our minds to the possibilities that surround us. People come and go in our lives as we need them. Each person that crosses our path is there for a reason. We draw people into our lives that we need. I am lucky enough to have drawn some incredible women into my life these last few months. They are my support network and give me the motivation to be something more than the Slummy Mummy I had become.